Remember a few weeks ago when I told you guys the story about Selene and Endymion that revolved around a goddess giving a young man eternal youth while making him sleep forever? Well the reason that Selene did this was because she saw what happened to her sister and her lover in today's story. A short, tragic story about not choosing your words carefully. (Much like me when I get on a rant involving sports teams) This is the story of Eos and Tithonus.
Is that the morning dew, a cool breeze or her breast milk? YOU BE THE JUDGE!
Just like any other love story, Eos fell in love with Tithonus in a love at first sight deal like Tony and Maria. While raising her rosy cheek to brighten a sleeping world and made her rounds until her shift ended around noon when she gave her post to Helios/Apollo. (The movements of the Sun and Moon were basically a continuous relay race) During the time she pouring the morning dew on the ground, thus making my life miserable when I have to get the newspaper for my dad on barefoot, she saw a youth walking around the plains of Ilium.
His name was Tithonus and he was the son of the Trojan King Laomedon, who was as you guys probably remembered the king who ripped off not only Poseidon, but also made the poor decision to also rip off Heracles who took this in a not so nicely way. Anyway, Eos fell for Tithonus who was about as pretty as 90s Leo DiCaprio and about as cut as Batman.
Get away from me! I got my rape lyre!
Now madly in love with this boy she chased after the youth as he played his lyre in a quiet field. The young prince was reluctant to be swooped up by this strange lady chasing towards him and so he ran away faster than Chowder seeing Panini! It was all for not, because there was no escape from a goddess and her new boy toy, soon he was caught and Eos took him away to Olympus. (There is also another version of this story that says that she took Ganymede also.)
Damn... she got my other arm... can't use rape Lyre!
Once in the palace of the gods, she showed off her new boyfriend like a piece of meat. The gods, having kidnapped more women and men for love than the times Bowser captured Peach, were like, "Yeah you got a hot new boy, I have like seven now." Upset that no one cared, but not that upset to dump her new boyfriend, she dragged poor Tithonus to her chambers for some Snu Snu. (Actually why should I feel bad for this guy?)
After that was over and both were laying in the bed smoking like Elizabeth and the Monster, Tithonus fell in love with Eos. Now a respectful couple that would rival Superman and Lois Lane, the two would spend an eternity together, but poor Eos would make a terrible decision that would forever sour this relationship.
Did I mention that I hate you?
See after becoming a couple, Eos wanted to make it their love last longer than King Oberon and Queen Titania's. So she went up to Zeus and asked for the power to make Tithonus immortal to which he said, "Sure I'll make him immortal, I always like having strapping young men living near me." However, Eos soon learned a hard lesson in being careful what you wish for.
Tithonus was made immortal all right, but she forgot one little insignificant detail... GIVING HIM ETERNAL YOUTH! Yes he would live with her forever, but he was going to still age normally and then get more decrepit as the eons went by. Now to why Zeus couldn't go back and give him eternal youth, well I guess it is a bigger mystery to why Reed Richards doesn't give us the cure to AIDs and Cancer.
KILL ME *CHIRP CHIRP* FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!
Despite this horrible development, the two remained a couple and had two kids: Memnon and Emathion. Memnon we'll get to eventually, but basically he was a warrior king in Ethiopia who fought and died helping the Trojans in the final year of the Trojan War. Emathion on the hand was also a king of Ethiopia and got himself killed by Heracles. So in a way Emathion was the Jannety to Memnon's Michaels.
As he got older and older, poor Tithonus started to make the CryptKeeper look like Adonis! Not only that, the once young prince of Troy began to shrink and turn into a scrawny wretched excuse for an human being. Unable to see her boyfriend like this, Eos decided there was only one option left, she used her powers to turn her love into a grasshopper/cricket/cicada.
And so ends the story of Tithonus' horrible fate, but to give you an even bigger downer ending than the ending to the series finale to Superman The Animated Series I want to leave you with this little tidbit. Whenever a cricket chirps it means that Tithonus is meekly asking to die. But hey we got a X-Files episode named after him and some poems in the 1800s about him. Now to leave you guys with some music:
Ain't this some mellow tunes to get the idea of every chirping insect in the world crying in vain to kill their suffering away?