And I'm back from my vacation in wonderful Geneva,
Switzerland Ohio! Yeah sorry forgot to tell you about that last blog, but anyway, I'm back and I want to finish our story about the days before the Olympians and how the Titans came to rule the universe.
What? I hate ugly kids, is that so wrong?
As was said before in the last post, Ouranos had become lord and master of the universe and ruled over his wife (And Mother) Gaia. To say that Ouranos was a little controlling and abusive to her would be the understatement of the century. When she gave birth to the hundred handed beings and the original Cyclops brothers, Ouranos was like, "God damn these kids are ugly, OFF TO TARTARUS FOR YOU!" (So yeah Ouranos was kind of playing around Eugenics here, but correct me if I am wrong for thinking this)
Holy Shit! Ouranos is really Sir Christopher Lee! *insert overly dramatic music here*
After Gaia gave birth to 12 beautiful beings that became known as the Titans, Ouranos did not banish them down to the depths of Tartarus. (However, whether or not they came from Tennessee is still lost to history) Anyway, Gaia was still pissed at what her husband/son did to her other children and wanted to get rid of him for his actions.
That's right I got's me a bendy sword, fear it!
Gaia summoned the six males of the twelve Titans (Yeah it's pretty weird how these immortal beings always seem to give to birth to litters of half boys and half girls) And tried to persuade them to take out their father and release there brothers in Tartarus. She had even created a weapon for them to use, a giant obsidian sickle that was perfect for chopping off body parts. (Thankfully it lacked any bugs that could ruin it's performance) However, none would accept the call of duty, well except for one and his name was Cronus!
Yeah I could only find this metal song from this French Brutal Death Metal Band that had anything to do with Cronus
Cronus was the youngest of the first generation titans, but he was also the most ambitious. (Also he was quite handsome if the stories are to be told right) He envied the power that his father had and wanted to take it for himself, so he agreed to take the sickle and stage a coup over dear old daddy.
Hello daddy! Mother gives her regards!
While she wanted Ouranos to be taken out from ruling her and its inhabitants, Gaia also wanted Cronus to do something else to his father. She wanted him to castrate Ouranos as revenge for what he had done to their other children. Gaia would distract him as Cronus would attack when he least expect it. So the stage was set as Cronus sneaked his way and ambushed his father.
Cronus took out the Stygian (God I love that word!) sickle of obsidian and attacked. Immediately he chopped off his dad's gonads and they fell into the sea around the island of Cyprus. The blood that fell from the wounds of Ouranos would create the race of Giants (the Gigantes), the Erinyes (the tormenters of Orestes), and the Meliae (ash-tree nymphs).
And so Cronus defeated his father and ascended the throne as master of the universe. Though I think we should give a moment of silence for Ouranos' balls, because in one finally act they gave us this bombshell:
God bless you castrated balls of Ouranos and William-Adolphe Bourguereau!
And what of the sickle? Well apparently it was buried somewhere in Sicily or somewhere in the ocean or maybe the island of Korkyra (What is now the island of Corfu) Anyway, just before he was "killed" Ouranos told Cronus that he himself would be overthrown by his offspring, thus making sure that Cronus would become paranoid for the rest of his life.
Whoever said these were terrible times to live in?
The time of Cronus' reign would be known as the Golden Age, where there were no worries and humans lived in long blissfully innocent lives until they faded away into death. The titans would grow in number with the second generation coming to fill more roles that needed to be filled in this brave new world. (Must resist playing the Iron Maiden song!)
King Cronus didn't seem to like the idea of keeping his promise with Gaia and had his hundred handed and one eyed siblings remained locked up in Tartarus, but this time he added a dragon guard named Campe to keep watch of their cells. Cronus would then marry his sister Rhea and they would begin having kids, but we all know what the dear old king was doing when Rhea gave birth.
For those who needed a refresher
Well that's the end of this blog, I don't really know what I'm going to do for next week, so why don't you guys who read this blog give me ideas or suggestions in that comment box thingy at the bottom of this page? Otherwise I'll probably have to come up with something by myself, but I really want to interact with the fans who read this blog, so send me questions or requests on my twitter account at http://twitter.com/#!/AchillesF6.
Anyways thanks for reading! :)
Anyways thanks for reading! :)