069 The sacrifice of Protesilaus

Oh yeah were going back to that place I know and love, Troy! And since I'm not a character I'm not going to have an image or video of that wretched 2004 raping of Homer at all in this blog or any future blog about the Trojan War. (I have a free will damnit!)

This is a story about above all the sacrifice of one man in order to begin an invasion and also this is a story the effects that death in war has on the family. (Yeah the second part of this myth becomes something of an opposite Orpheus and Eurydice tale) Let's not get lallygagging and introduce our main character: Protesilaus.

Couldn't find an image of him so here is a painting of Achilles glaring at you while naked on his little throne

Protesilaus was one of many suitors of Helen and when it was determined Menelaus would be her husband, he agreed to the Oath of the suitors to aid the husband if Helen were taken away or something happened to her. He ruled the kingdom of Phylace in Thessaly. (His father's name, Iphicles, meant "Lord of many sheep" just a little fun fact I found out)

When the whole Paris the pussy kidnapped Helen incident happened, Protesilaus was called up to honor his oath. He did not disappoint, he would lead forty black ships (And that was around the number of most ships of a king his stature) and he would draw men from the settlements of Phylace, Pyrasus, Iton, Antrium, and Pteleum.

Something important happened over the course of the Achaean forces trip to Troy, a oracle foretold that the first Greek to storm the beaches of Troy would also be the first to die at the hands of the Dardanians (The Trojans)

Come on! You guys want to live forever?!

So imagine this scene, the first line of Achaean ships with all their best warriors and kings looking on at the armies of Troy. These kings and warriors were eager to spill Trojan blood, but they would not attack. Why? Because they were fucking scared! Even mighty Achilles was weary (Albeit with good reason) to jump into battle. This stalemate would end when Protesilaus went "over the top" and charged the battlefield.

He knew his was doomed, but he wanted one moment, one shot at glory. (You know what that means!)

METAL!!!!!

Ahem yes, after encouraging his men to attack now that they did not need to fear inevitable death, he charged into the Trojan line killing four before Hector came along. Hector basically said, "Hey you were supposed to die!" and then Protesilaus was slain by the prince of Troy who was not a pussy womanizer coward pretty boy. (The Anti Orlando Bloom) But his actions would have an interesting effect on the day's battle.

Thanks Protesilaus!

The Greek leaders were angry at this development and stormed the beaches with their men to avenge their comrade and ally. With all this rage that would make Profion orgasm and naturally the Achaeans kicked the Trojan's asses and took control of the beach. After the day, Protesilaus' forces were put under the helm of his brother of Podarces. So Protesilaus' sacrifice was not in vain, but our story doesn't stop there.

Honey you are back and alive! But why are you transparent?

Despite being dead, the gods allowed him to return to his wife for only three hours. (And this was only because they were recently married) Then when Hermes came to take him back to the underworld, Laodamia begged and pleaded with the god of messengers, but to no avail. And so her husband returned to the abyss forever and Laodamia was alone.

According to some she was so grief stricken that she created a bronze statue of her beloved husband, put it in her room, and devoted herself to it. When a servant early in the morning had brought fruit for the
offerings, he looked through a crack in the door and saw her holding the image of Protesilaus in her embrace and kissing it. Thinking she had a lover he told her her father Acastus.

When he came and burst into the room, he saw the statue of Protesilaus. To put an end to her torture he
had the statue and the sacred offerings burned on a pyre he had made,  but Laodamia, not enduring her grief, threw herself on it and was burned to death.

And so ends the sad story of Protesilaus and Laodamia a story of one man's sacrifice to war and the wife's descent into madness and grief. But hey don't be depressed, at least they are together now probably. As for next week's blog, I don't know I'll do the creation of the universe.