Okay, now I'm going to explore a really obscure myth. If you thought Niobe was obscure, this one raises that to 11. It is so obscure that I couldn't really find any good paintings to make funny remarks at, but oh well I tried.
King Erysichthon
So this king from Thessaly decided one day despite many warnings that he wanted to cut down a grove of trees sacred to Demeter.
What's the worse thing that could happen?
Well as you might have guessed, when old Ernie cut down the holy tree and thus killed the Na- I mean dryad who needed the tree to live. Demeter did not take this well and so in revenge placed an insatiable hunger upon him. After spending all his wealth in feeding himself and starving his people, he left the kingdom a pauper with his daughter, Mestra.
I'm sorry sweetie pie, but daddy wants to catch the buffet at Golden Corral
So naturally, Ernie did what any reasonable starving poor man would do: he sold his daughter into slavery for food money. Now Poseidon helped out Mestra by giving her Mystique powers and she was able to return to her father, who sold her numerous times for food. Finally fed up (get it) Mestra did not return and Ernie did not have anything to sell for food. It was at this moment that Demeter's revenge reach it's zenith: Old King Erysichthon ate himself to death.
Oh nom nom nom!
So who is the douchebag in this myth? I would say both Ernie and Demeter were both douchebags in this myth. Ernie's actions are self explanatory, but Demeter's are not. Why did she not just ask her younger bro Zeus to smite Ernie. Why go through all the trouble to eventually kill one man. She also gets douche points for all the trouble she caused because of her actions which include: starving and bankrupting a entire kingdom, forcing a man to eat himself (sure I know what he did was wrong but really?), and indirectly forcing a woman into slavery. Sickening and just when you thought there was one major goddess who wasn't a douche.
And just a relevant MST3K reference for you guys
Okay Fingal, draw me some butter!
Next time: Heracles and his lyre tutor
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