So I am back from my epic 12 day excursion from Europe and other than getting a cool hat, collecting valuable artwork, and collecting orange fanta bottles, this was the main highlight:
Who needs history when you can get a lap dance?
*Okay (I didn't actually go inside, but I thought it would be funny to have my aunts take a picture of me walking in it)
But enough of my international travels, today's discussion is about the Athenian hero Theseus and his abandonment of his lover Ariadne. Let us first look at the two lovers in question.
Theseus, founder of the Anti-Genetic engineering movement
Theseus was a son of Poseidon and was destined to become king of Athens. His stepfather, Aegeus, was having trouble with the Minoan king Minos, who beat the Athenians in a war and demanded a tribute of 7 young men and 7 maidens to be fed to his stepson, the minotaur. Theseus decided to go as one of the 7 men and slay the beast and stop this ghastly sacrifice once and for all.
Man why can American women act more like this to me?
Now Ariadne was not only the inspiration for the Led Zepplian song All My Love, but also the daughter of Minos and Pasiphae and the half sister of the cannibalistic Minotaur. Now she hated her grotesque half brother and when she saw Theseus land on the capital city of Knossos, she fell instantly in love with him. Because of this she gave him a ball of string that was created by the architect of the labyrinth itself, Daedalus, who was imprisoned in there as well, this string proved important since after Theseus slayed the Minotaur, big spoiler there, Theseus was only able to escape the maze by using said string.
Get the Led out
Anyway after Minos found that his only leaverage against the Athenians was decapitated, he went apeshit and wanted to kill Theseus. Obviously he escaped, but with also now with his now lover Ariadne. Everything was smooth sailing with this relationship, that is until they landed on Naxos.
Theseus, come back with that water okay?
You see in the middle of the night when she was sleeping, Theseus abandoned her and sailed back to Athens, leaving Ariadne to starve by herself on an island in the Aegean. Luckily for Ariadne, Dionysus, god of wine and college parties, found the maiden and married her and they lived happily ever after, until she was killed by Perseus in Argos, but Dionysus was able to take her soul up to Olympus, so I guess her life got better because Theseus was such a douchebag.